Blue bed, red shoes and my bokehs

Where words are hidden in puzzle of silence and pain,
and a shadow longs for existence,
I save some wet touches and a lil serenade
for my heart or the lost bodies of nameless solitude...
Here lingers no clean lenses,
dusty pictures of skeleton eyes.
Somehow. So many colors merged into black n' white.

Bokeh

A pain with no reason,
A metamorphosis of hidden love,
Undying feelings...
A blue bed of acidic dreams,
No one speaks a word,
Momentary smile, broken decades ago...

Buried deep
some silent souls,
whispers unveiled
as I walk down the passage
among thousands of dead...

And sometimes I wish the wheels stop spinning and dragging my life somewhere I don't want to go...

With my old red shoes and acoustic time, I would rather stay alone.

Unsequenced Beads

Well, I know, there is no such word like "unsequenced", still, err....it sounded good :/

As winter suddenly sneaks in:


Me: The cold November rain kills the autumn and steps on the frozen grass.
A hollow song is playing on, somewhere.
Feels like I'm behind the stage, dying, yet the sounds of claps go on...the show evolves. The world is somehow inside out....but I am too blind to see the truth!
Wanna go under the blanket and sleep forever in peace, with mystic magical dreams!


Kabir: And when your dreams reach a crescendo of your sensuality..... In that moment of eternal mysticism...when the magic peaks....freeze yourself into time forever. That way.....you shall have the frozen peak of sensuality.....preserved and to be relished forever.


Aritra: we wash away our make up
but to the world we remain a mere clown
we are just meant for entertainment
neither to feel... nor to frown....

-And it didn’t end, something came in the way…err.

Sea Diaries:
I went to the coast of Bengal, holidays you know… the trip was nice.
I sat at the sea shore, a lil’ away from the regular crowd, in the evening. The sea played an amazing music of solitude, a melody of some faraway land of dream.
I was so much submerged in the ambience; and in the momentary lapse of rumbling thoughts I could only find a discomfited peace that I never felt before. I let go the avarice of ache and detest I held inside.
The far horizon, where lil’ lights of fishing trawlers were tinkering, I kept gazing at it and seemed like I was sailing away, to eternity…
The sea stays alone, with lives smiling at its shore, it roars, shivers, cries in a hollow pain, and only some nomad toddling around the shore would hear it sometimes in its music of waves, the untold story of its hidden heart, longings and loses.
The sea scum whispered in my ears, words of lost love and ….i don’t know what…
But it felt good….really good.
I forgot the need of a smoke.


Snaps from the Sea Diaries:
[Click on the images to view larger size]

Randomly Dead Poet

No other poem will be born from my pain,

As I lay down my hands in the cold of shame.

The suffocated heart has killed the poetic soul,

Lyrics of my life don’t rhyme anymore.

No more teardrops wait for a knock on the door,

Lonely footsteps die away in the sea shore;

The morning blues stay till the sunset

Celebrating the pitiless death of a nameless poet…

P.S.- click on the image to see larger size.

Consider it as a blog post

SOMEONE said that I fell in love with the eternal sadness triggered by the blue rain.
I did.


...Because I fell in love with a pirate. Now he robbed my everything that is- my soul and color of my heart. I live like a lean, pale piece of dead moon or may be a rotten tomato.
The pirate got away with it. He had the princess, he still has her. But this little ugly pixie was left in the middle of the sea finding her solace in the bubbles of fake dreams captivated by the white sea-scum. 


I wasn't a brat before. I was sad, but not a sadist before. The cynical way of life has created ME.
And now I am lost in some bitter-sweet smoke of weed.

But I saw a black butterfly in the station while waiting for the train. It danced around me as I watched it with a long-lost smile on my face. Suddenly the train arrived and the black-beauty was apart from me.

I have a firefly in my room. Every time I turn the lights off at night, it lits up its existence.

I don't feel alone. Anymore.

Just broken.

You played with me and left me as a broken plaything.

And someday I would move on. 

Someday the pain would be eased. 

Someday life would seem alright. 

Someday I would forgive you. 

Someday I'll hate your lies instead of loving them. 

Someday...

P.S.- Don't worry if you are doing so =]

 And Durga Puja was here again. 

Cadaver of Truth

You think I am wasted. He thinks I’m wasted. She thinks I’m wasted.
Even my cheap 2 bucks worthy cigarettes think I’m wasted.
Well, I am not wasted.
Because I know the truth you have been hiding from.
I manicure the claws of the darkness.
I repeal the lies of life you live within to find happiness.
Come, face your skeleton-old disease.
Cry, ‘cause there’s no mercy; twisted tales of humans remain.
Smile, ‘cause I give you the chance to enjoy the last show.
Fear, ‘cause I know something you don’t know. You will NEVER know.

This fairytale has gone bad!

"We can’t cry the pain away
We can’t find a need to stay
I slowly realized there’s nothing on our side..."

And once again I have fucked it all up…….
The awesome ME.

Today was the worst of all these days… Had pissed a person I loved at the midnight, missed tuition at morning, went to the suckiest college departmental fresher’s welcome party, went to another tuition, got home fucked up and slept all the evening.
Every time I think that life’s gonna change, it gets stuck and makes me wanna throw up because of that old smell of misery.
I’m lonely again. Better to say, I realized I’m lonely as every-single-fucking-thing has been just a pretention.
I love my friends, I do. But at the end of the day I can’t breathe easy. And there’s nothing I can do about it.
I know I’m gonna survive, by tears or by strength, I will.
But I don’t wanna die inside like this.

All I want is… someone to put the hand on my shoulder and make me feel life’s worth living.

I wish I were invisible.
I wish I could be like THEM.
I wish I were a heartless bitch.
I wish I could die without pain.
I wish.

No, not suicidal much. Just a lil unwell.