Sunday, December 26, 2010

Hide the rum, fake a smile.

The more I look into this, the more it seems fake. Unreal.
Yes, I am talking about something you know.
Guess what it is? At least try? With your big head with a lil gray matter?
Well, let’s just spare you. It’s the world around us. Especially the world I am in.

Here it’s fascinating. Loud music, flashy lights, colors, amazing lonesome blues, smiles, tears, enthralling words, exciting guitar riffs, smokes, sex, life.
But sometimes a weird alcoholic solitude dissolves this dramatic life into nothingness.
You rummage through everything you have and realize you have nothing. Or may be you have something, but it doesn’t matter at the end.
Someone loves you? But you find it so unreal.
Your demand curve rises upwards, yet there’s no supply. (Here I talk like a prototype Economics student :| )
You sing to them “Take my photo off the wall if it just won’t sing for you”.
It’s like you are fooling yourself. But the truth is, everyone is in the trap, everyone is doing so. Nothing harms you. Yet your hear breaks to pieces, and you try to find the reason why.
Still, the rusty city calls you by name and you can’t avoid it.
Hope against thoughts, dreams against reality.
And someday… the frozen dead winter leaves gives you peace when it doesn’t rain for you anymore.

I cried because my Christmas was going to be ruined. But I somehow made it work for me with courage, some fun companions, chocolate pastry and Johnny Depp.
But I’m still thirsty for rum. I can help but curse that bar owner who didn’t let me in because his ping pong ball sized brain told him that I am not old enough to consume alcohol.
I’m legally adult you fuckface <_<

“But why is the rum gone?”

P.S.- The title is worthless!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Blue bed, red shoes and my bokehs

Where words are hidden in puzzle of silence and pain,
and a shadow longs for existence,
I save some wet touches and a lil serenade
for my heart or the lost bodies of nameless solitude...
Here lingers no clean lenses,
dusty pictures of skeleton eyes.
Somehow. So many colors merged into black n' white.


A pain with no reason,
A metamorphosis of hidden love,
Undying feelings...
A blue bed of acidic dreams,
No one speaks a word,
Momentary smile, broken decades ago...

Buried deep
some silent souls,
whispers unveiled
as I walk down the passage
among thousands of dead...

And sometimes I wish the wheels stop spinning and dragging my life somewhere I don't want to go...
With my old red shoes and acoustic time, I would rather stay alone.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Unsequenced Beads

Well, I know, there is no such word like "unsequenced", still, sounded good :/

As winter suddenly sneaks in:

Me: The cold November rain kills the autumn and steps on the frozen grass.
A hollow song is playing on, somewhere.
Feels like I'm behind the stage, dying, yet the sounds of claps go on...the show evolves. The world is somehow inside out....but I am too blind to see the truth!
Wanna go under the blanket and sleep forever in peace, with mystic magical dreams!

Kabir: And when your dreams reach a crescendo of your sensuality..... In that moment of eternal mysticism...when the magic peaks....freeze yourself into time forever. That shall have the frozen peak of sensuality.....preserved and to be relished forever.

Aritra: we wash away our make up
but to the world we remain a mere clown
we are just meant for entertainment
neither to feel... nor to frown....

-And it didn’t end, something came in the way…err.

Sea Diaries:
I went to the coast of Bengal, holidays you know… the trip was nice.
I sat at the sea shore, a lil’ away from the regular crowd, in the evening. The sea played an amazing music of solitude, a melody of some faraway land of dream.
I was so much submerged in the ambience; and in the momentary lapse of rumbling thoughts I could only find a discomfited peace that I never felt before. I let go the avarice of ache and detest I held inside.
The far horizon, where lil’ lights of fishing trawlers were tinkering, I kept gazing at it and seemed like I was sailing away, to eternity…
The sea stays alone, with lives smiling at its shore, it roars, shivers, cries in a hollow pain, and only some nomad toddling around the shore would hear it sometimes in its music of waves, the untold story of its hidden heart, longings and loses.
The sea scum whispered in my ears, words of lost love and ….i don’t know what…
But it felt good….really good.
I forgot the need of a smoke.

Snaps from the Sea Diaries:
[Click on the images to view larger size]

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Randomly Dead Poet

No other poem will be born from my pain,
As I lay down my hands in the cold of shame.
The suffocated heart has killed the poetic soul,
Lyrics of my life don’t rhyme anymore.
No more teardrops wait for a knock on the door,
Lonely footsteps die away in the sea shore;
The morning blues stay till the sunset
Celebrating the pitiless death of a nameless poet…

P.S.- click on the image to see larger size.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Consider it as a blog post

SOMEONE said that I fell in love with the eternal sadness triggered by the blue rain.
I did.

...Because I fell in love with a pirate. Now he robbed my everything that is- my soul and color of my heart. I live like a lean, pale piece of dead moon or may be a rotten tomato.
The pirate got away with it. He had the princess, he still has her. But this little ugly pixie was left in the middle of the sea finding her solace in the bubbles of fake dreams captivated by the white sea-scum. 

I wasn't a brat before. I was sad, but not a sadist before. The cynical way of life has created ME.
And now I am lost in some bitter-sweet smoke of weed.

But I saw a black butterfly in the station while waiting for the train. It danced around me as I watched it with a long-lost smile on my face. Suddenly the train arrived and the black-beauty was apart from me.
I have a firefly in my room. Every time I turn the lights off at night, it lits up its existence.
I don't feel alone. Anymore.
Just broken.
You played with me and left me as a broken plaything.

And someday I would move on. 
Someday the pain would be eased. 
Someday life would seem alright. 
Someday I would forgive you. 
Someday I'll hate your lies instead of loving them. 

P.S.- Don't worry if you are doing so =]

 And Durga Puja was here again. 

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Cadaver of Truth

You think I am wasted. He thinks I’m wasted. She thinks I’m wasted.
Even my cheap 2 bucks worthy cigarettes think I’m wasted.
Well, I am not wasted.
Because I know the truth you have been hiding from.
I manicure the claws of the darkness.
I repeal the lies of life you live within to find happiness.
Come, face your skeleton-old disease.
Cry, ‘cause there’s no mercy; twisted tales of humans remain.
Smile, ‘cause I give you the chance to enjoy the last show.
Fear, ‘cause I know something you don’t know. You will NEVER know.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

This fairytale has gone bad!

"We can’t cry the pain away
We can’t find a need to stay
I slowly realized there’s nothing on our side..."

And once again I have fucked it all up…….
The awesome ME.

Today was the worst of all these days… Had pissed a person I loved at the midnight, missed tuition at morning, went to the suckiest college departmental fresher’s welcome party, went to another tuition, got home fucked up and slept all the evening.
Every time I think that life’s gonna change, it gets stuck and makes me wanna throw up because of that old smell of misery.
I’m lonely again. Better to say, I realized I’m lonely as every-single-fucking-thing has been just a pretention.
I love my friends, I do. But at the end of the day I can’t breathe easy. And there’s nothing I can do about it.
I know I’m gonna survive, by tears or by strength, I will.
But I don’t wanna die inside like this.

All I want is… someone to put the hand on my shoulder and make me feel life’s worth living.

I wish I were invisible.
I wish I could be like THEM.
I wish I were a heartless bitch.
I wish I could die without pain.
I wish.

No, not suicidal much. Just a lil unwell.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Crumpled words of mind

Life is treacherous, like the moon’s spell

Cause we have to live and die another day…

Love is a metaphor, a red bird without mercy

It chases you to take the causeway to death

Don’t dream in a borrowed room wasting your breath

Life is longer than love, hold hands and stay…

Stay like the smiles in the photographs you took

Or the wonderful lines in that old book

Paint a pebble in your morning blues

No more conspiracy of spite, spineless filthy wishes

Stumble upon a doormat and dream of gumball rain….

Something I clicked and edited :)

[Click for full view plz]

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Die with me tonight

The whine of sorry rainbows
All around to grab us tight
Are you afraid of sorrow?
Living is dangerous darling,
Die with me tonight.

The toxin of mind that’s weak
Spineless thoughts of nothingness
Are you afraid of silence?
Loneliness is dangerous darling,
Die with me tonight.

The darkest fear of losing it all
When everything ends in a stroke of time,
Are you afraid of death?
Living is dangerous darling,
Die with me tonight.

yes. another bad attempt at poetry. pardon me. -_-

written for Sunday Scribblings:

Friday, August 20, 2010

One More Time

Let’s just one more time
Hold hands and stand
On that foggy mountain crest.
Let’s just take one more look at this world,
Out of our so called circus of life.
One more time, leave the car behind
And walk on this empty road
With me, looking at the stars.
For just one more time,
Stand under the pouring rain
Feeling the cold under your skin,
Listening to that song
We used to sing along.
For just the last time’s sake,
Laugh with me your heart open,
Cry with me your heart broken, tonight.
For the memories of us together,
For the love that lies dead under –
Let’s pretend, let’s pretend we’re alright…
And just when I fall asleep –
Silently, kiss me the last goodnight.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Make a cup of tea. blah.

You wake up in a bad morning wishing you should have died last night, and you make a cup of tea.
You feel miserable about being miserable all along, and you make a cup of tea.
Your parents forbid you from everything you want and deserve, such as internet, guitar, hang outs, meeting your best friend, and you make a cup of tea.
The world spins fast intentionally to make you throw up, and you make a cup of tea.
I feel so miserable. I feel like I’m doomed to be destroyed. Something is wrong…it’s like something has died in me. Or is it me? Chasing my own soul? Am I paranoid or what? Oh god..! I guess soon I will be joining the world of official insanity.
Wait… I need a cigarette… eek parents are home. Fuck.
*pardons my own stupidity*
Other than that, can you believe I cried the whole noon because I had read a sad  novel over again which I had had seen as movie long before! Damn, I’m so screwed. Oh, now I should make a cup of tea for myself. It feels good anyhow.
You screw up your life and walk on the way of psychosis; and you make a cup of tea.
However thank you Cecelia Ahern. <_<

P.S.~ I miss my mp3 player. it's dead *Sheds Tears*

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Through The Eye of The Storm

I stood in the eye of the storm,
The wrath of the world crawling around;
Flock of dust blinded my soul…
A soul doomed to core of soreness,
A life that has nowhere to go…
The thunders bounded me,
They flashed, they growled
Like dragons from the faraway dark world.
But blind were my eyes like my existence,
Too numb a body to hear anything…
The time passed by as I stood
Right in the middle of my ruins.
Moments paused as earth moved no more
The breaths stood still everywhere
It was time the demons came out
The demons of you and me
We locked them deep down inside
But the fate had chosen them to come out
Because the love lived no more,
The pain had died away somewhere
Only silence remained, the silence of life
And we couldn’t bear it anymore…
It all came down, no verve stayed there;
The end to all our furies and odium…
Empty city streets resided alone
Waiting for footsteps in sun and rain…
The world spanned again in circle of eras;
I stayed as the watcher had to stay
To tell the story of all the times –
In the eye of the storm, alone and strong.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

A tribute to Jyoti Basu

It is cold day today. I was really cold when I stepped out of my bed. But I didn’t know that this day would bring such a pain to heart.
I was on the phone chattering with my friends and mom was watching the news. It was about 12 pm. suddenly mom came to me with blank eyes and told “Jyoti Basu is no more…”
I turned my eyes to the TV screen and the headlines were enough shocking for me.
My friend asked from the other side “What happened?”
“Jyoti Babu has died…just now”
“Are you kidding? He he…”
“Watch the news idiot”
“What the hell. Wait, I’ll call ya later”
She cut the phone.
I and mom stayed stick to the TV, half-sad, half-feelingless.

That time I finally came to know how I much I idealized this political legend of India and West Bengal.
I have never said anything about politics before as I always kept it apart from my personal life. But it was never apart actually. My whole room is full of posters of Che Guevara along with my favorite bands.
I was born in a political family. Every person in my family is attached with politics. We are communists. And thus I never learned to avoid or hate politics. I learned that it runs a country, it produces the freedom movement. No man can be non-political in a free democratic country. We all are part of it. Some avoids, some takes part and some leads.
Never blame a politician. Blame yourself and fellow people. Because you the people has chosen him to run the country. It is easy to say politics is dirt, but it is hard to come forward and clean it. Yes, remember ‘Rang De Basanti’.

Communist leader Jyoti Basu in a jubilious mood after winning by-election from Baranagar, West Bengal on February 11, 1969.
Apart from my speeches, lets come to the point.

Jyoti Basu was a political legend. He was the leader of the communist movement after freedom of India. Jyoti Basu was the son of a wealthy doctor. He went to London to study law. He was motivated there by his professor and writer Rajani Pam Dutta.
When he came back in India, freedom movement was on. He left his bright career of barrister and entered the movement. He was in Marxist party even when it was banned in India. He was the first chief minister of WB after the end of Congress era here. Jyoti Basu was the only one Bengali politician who was to be the prime minister of India, Congress supported him, but he backed off as his party opposed the decision of him becoming the PM. He was elected the CM of West Bengal over 5 times. He never worshipped the power and the thorn. This man was always the people’s man.
Jyoti Basu was the first person to introduce land revision and give lands to farmers and he also started non-paying governmental schooling system. He always told that politics was above the barriers of religions. He was a true communist who believed in Humanism. He served the society for his whole lifetime and even after death, his eyes and body were donated. He gave his everything for the sake of the society. Every leader of every political party respected him and took advice from him whenever needed.
But his personal life was pretty much sad. His first wife died. They had no children. He married again after 6 yrs and had a daughter. She died soon in few days because of illness. Then he had a son who later in life, didn’t share hearty relationship with him.
He was never a victim of any scandal or something bad. He fought for the last day of his life. He was told to be the leader of working class people. The people of west Bengal are greatly moved because of such a loss of this country. May his soul rest in peace.

And, if you don’t know about this person, or just feel a little bit of respect for him, just take a look at the news tonight. He was a man of morals. He met Nelson Mandela, Fiedel Castro etc. He had great communication with Indira Gandhi and Rajiv Gandhi. He was someone who brought Amitav Bacchan to Kolkata to see him in the Hosp.

Thank you for reading.

With Castro. ^